Cyberpunk 2077 & STADIA: THE BRUTAL TRUTH
Game reviewers are giving the Stadia version of Cyberpunk a pass. CD Project Red mislead its most loyal fan base to include Stadia gamers. Unfortunately, game reviewers are not accurately noting Cyberpunk’s many issues on Stadia and thus, CD Project Red has avoided any consequences on Stadia.
Let’s cut through the hype and bullshit, shall we?
The Stadia version of Cyberpunk has tons of severe issues that have been ignored. Why is that? Stadia doesn’t want to have to deal with all the $100 (I’m rounding) controllers and Chromecast packages they gave away if you pre-bought Cyberpunk 2077.
I guess it’s ok to grift gamers in 2020.
To be clear, CD Project Red’s Witcher 3 Enhanced is one of my top 5 RPGs of all time. I could not believe the level of depth that went into that game. At no point was I bored. There was a surprise around every corner. Few games write emotionally engaging storylines like those found in Witcher 3 Enhanced.
By the time I was done (after well over 100 hours), I felt utterly satisfied.
No open-world game is perfect; Witcher 3 had its quirks, but globally, it delivered– which is why it won so many awards. I wanted Cyberpunk 2077 to be that again, for me- as a gamer, and for CD Project Red. But that is not what happened with this game.
And while CD Project Red has been chiming in on the lawsuits, small fixes, they have never properly dealt with the breach of trust.
CYBERPUNK 2077: THE ULTIMATE BAIT & SWITCH CASE STUDY
CD Project Red continues to market Cyberpunk 2077 in a way that promises a world of vice and debauchery; it’s all up to you, how far will you go? Cyberpunk 2077 marketing sells lots of sexual sizzle, lots of dystopian edge with bold promises, that it simply does not deliver.
Look it up; entire articles have been written on these specific topics.
When I woke up this morning, a small chuynk of a waffle was stilling on a plate. It had been there for a few days, COVID and all, waiting to be thrown in the trash. That’s the population of Night City, mindless waffles waiting to be thrown in the trash.
Mundane pathing, single line dialogue, reusing main character voice actors to also voice walk by dialogue, every line of Cyberpunk dialogue one step away from the NPC eating a gun; not exactly a magical gaming experience.
Welcome to a late 90s version of Massively Depressing Sim City, where EVERYONE hangs their heads low, and EVERYONE is pissed off. I can’t wait to log in and hang out with mindless waffles! Oh, and if you have ever wondered what it would be like to drive drunk, try to drive in Cyberpunk 2077. It will give you that experience in spades!
I can off any generic criminal or cop with zero long-term consequences. But Yoda help you when one of the waffle people walks into a gunfight (which happens all the time) because then, out of nowhere, magically, a shit ton of cops appear, and boom — you’re either killing cops or getting killed by cops, even if those are not choices that your character would ever make.
And waffle people being waffle people, they then cower at your appearance, like 8 blocks away.
The best way to make cash? Grind soda cans for hours on end. Good times! Hookers? I’ve found three. Gambling? None. Legit strip joints as advertised? None. Vice laden plot lines and allegiances that actually MATTER to your story? None. In fact, for all of Cyberpunk’s vice centric marketing, there is very little vice to explore.
STADIA TRUTH SERUM | On PC versions, you can lower the waffle, uh, NPC crowd density. This is not an option on Stadia. So, Stadia users, who paid $60 the same as everyone else, get fewer options? Integrity for the win!
Finally, there is how Cyberpunk 2077 forces you through their storylines. The game tells you when to stand and sit, there are precious few moments of meaningful choice, and Cyberpunk does all of this in such a heavy-handed way that you end up watching the story versus being A PART of it.
In Witcher 3 you could look in any direction, then head off to that location to explore. That is the core DNA of an open-world RPG, and that does NOT exist in Cyberpunk 2077. It is a big ass theme park game– full stop.
Worse, outside of the main quest, and the meager number of good side quests (which are not easy to find), the game is World Of Warcraft. Meaning, kill x number of whatever, get some eddies, rinse and repeat. It doesn’t say that because it’s tucked into the crime and other mechanics, but that’s what is happening. It’s not exciting. It’s waffles.
STORYTELLING 101 | “To ‘suspend disbelief’ is to temporarily accept as believable of events or characters that would ordinarily be seen as incredible. This is usually to allow an audience to appreciate works of literature or drama that are exploring unusual ideas.” (Wiki)
CYBERPUNK 2077 & STADIA: A BUGS LIFE
50% of the time, when I try to use a grenade, I can’t. The other 50% of the time I don’t get arc that tells me where the grenade will land. That translates into a 25% “works as intended” rate.
But here is the fun part, it gets even better.
When I use a grenade, 75% of the time, I can no longer fire or reload my weapons. My only option is to reboot the game, which I have to do 75% of the time I play the game. So much for immersion or Stadia being bug free.
Game critics never bring up these or any other issues on Stadia.
When I replaced grenades with my rocket launcher, it worked as intended 80% of the time UNTIL patch 1.05. Now it works as intended only the first time. After that, as long as I remain in the same area, triggering my launcher results in a flailing left arm.
Then there is the polar opposite of impotent weapons that don’t fire– teen angst weapons that can’t stop firing! No weapon control whatsoever. I yank out my tech rifle and it starts shooting everywhere, including innocent bystanders. The cops arrive and deliver a lead laced circumcision.
Such a fun gaming experience.
Via customizing my settings, the few we have on Stadia; I can mostly drive my motorcycle. But then I run into the pavement as seen above and I’m stuck. Time to reboot … again … to hang out with waffles and weapons that fail to perform or can’t stop performing.
Junk. So much junk. And lots of weapons to disassemble for crafting. The thing is, the only protection you get from accidentally deleting something of value is if it’s equipped. CD Project Red has made games before, yes? I think they made Witcher 3. Didn’t they start development EIGHT years ago?
And then there is the Cyberpunkn 2077 version of potions (in the form of cakes and such) that I never use. Many of those don’t break down into craftable components nor are they junk. Your only option, therefore, is to break them down one at a time. I guess that’s a part of the waffle indoctrination process.
You, too, can become a waffle person!
I have listed MAYBE 25% of the bugs I have run into, not anywhere close to the massive laundry list of issues in Cyberpunk. It’s a horrible gaming experience.
CYBERPUNK 2077, STORYTELLING (LIGHT SPOILERS), & AMENDS
Early on, you are given the option to attend an individual’s funeral. I won’t say more than that, thus the light spoiler warning. The dialogue, the options, the lead-up, the storytelling, and how CD Project Red built their brand until they blew it up.
It was a great sequence that stuck with me for a day or so. Even now, due to one choice I make every time I log in, that story lives on.
There are so many opportunities for this kind of immersion and storytelling. There are so many opportunities for world-building that actually means something. There are so many ways from which vice could be brought to life. But that will not happen for a very long time, if at all because those issues are about a whole lot more than bugs.
How to gut and give new life to core DNA that is deeply flawed and broken? CD Project Red:
- Remove your false advertising, or you will have more lawsuits than you can handle, and you will lose your company.
- Honestly and sincerely own your shit because make no mistake, Cyberpunk 2077 is a shit show. You can’t solve problems that you’re not admitting.
- Everyone that bought the game and chose NOT to get a refund should get $60 in microtransaction credits and the first few paid add ons for free. In for a penny, in for a pound. You’ll earn back trust when you demonstrate stakes in the longevity of your fan base.
People don’t need hype, endless promises, and hail mary passes. They need the truth, and they need tangible reasons to stick with this very broken game.